Alleignt ending
by i can't care
Summary: How i think the end should've been. Tobias goes crazy from missing Tris and is bed-ridden, can't do anything for himself, can't remember anything but Tris. he sometimes cries so much they must put him to sleep (for a few minutes). He always sees her in his dreams. Christina also is going through the loss of her best friend, but she has the comfort of Matthew, a scientist.
1. Gone

**Hey guys! It's me again and I wanted to say I have the next five chapters written, I just have to upload them. Sorry for this one being so short, the others are longer. I just wanted to capture how crazy Tobias is feeling, the loss the everything. So yeah, the next chapters will be up once the thing lets them show up! So yeah! I just hated the Allegiant ending. I get it; she had to die for love, blah, blah. But I just thought about Tobias and all her friends, how they felt. So Yeah. Now the authors note is longer than the chapter. Great. **

Gone

Tris is still gone. She still isn't just going to wake up and smile at me, asking for a kiss. That bullet wound isn't just going to go tomorrow. She'll be forever dead. A week has passed, and somehow I still can't comprehend it. She's gone. No. More. Tris


	2. Moving

**This is from Tobias's point of view, as of the last chapter. Thanks for reading! **

Moving

Two weeks has passed now. But still I can't find it in me to move, to work or even to speak. I still lay on my bed, silently staring at the clock. Thoughts of Tris fly across my mind, but usually I'm just numb. No way to get me bored or thinking. Just plain old numb. It feels nice to be numb rather than hurting, knowing my loved one is gone. Dead. Every once in a while, a streak of feeling comes along to start up, to try again, the thought of Tris lying in the hospital, dead, crosses my mind, and before I know it tears ransack my body and I'm lying on the floor, uncontrollably sobbing. No one bothers to comfort me anymore. They know I can't hear them. They just walk past my room, shaking their heads in pity,. I don't want their pity. I want Tris.

Tris. My side begins to hurt at the thought of her. I feel tears well up in my eyes and a shake take over my body. Tris.

Tears pour down my face steadily and I bring my hands to my face. Tris. She's never coming back. She's dead, gone, cold, the light is never going to return to her eyes. I won't just wake up to find it's all a dream. She'll never come back. I curl my feet and bring my knees to my chest, and the covers that someone always puts on me when I'm sleeping slide off. Tris.

My loud cries often fill the room, echoing out into the hallways, but everyone ignores and moves on. Like I should. But I can't. Not without Tris.

The thought of all the scenes we should have seen together, all the memories we should have made are almost too much. My eyes already aching form the tears that come start hurting terribly and my cries turn into wails and shrieks. I hear a familiar voice sigh and a girl walks in the room. I forget her name now, though Christina rings a bell. This girl is the only one that bothers to help me. Sometimes a boy visits, and he looks so much like Tris. He cries silently as I wail, and I can see the guilt in his eyes. I don't know this boy, but I think I used to. All I know now about him is that I hate him.

I can see from the mysterious girl's eyes she also misses Tris, but somehow she pulled through. I wonder vaguely how she knew Tris, but throw away the thought. I'll never know.

The girl walks in and kneels by my bed frame, patience and weariness clear. I should be stonger. I shouldn't have to have a girl younger and frailer than me take care of me. But I can't find myself enough to care about anything but Tris. Another wail rings out, and the girl sighs again as she pulls out a small handheld device.

"Tobias, this is the second time in an hour you cried hard enough for me to put you down. Do you think you can try to calm down?" she asks in a friendly, however pleading, tone. I just stare right ahead and continue sobbing.

"I think ten minutes will suffice, don't you?" she says as she sets the device. I cry as she pushes a button and glances up on me. Her gentle hand pats my head as black splotches take over my view. Don't worry, is the last thing the mysterious girl says to me before all my sensed shut down.


	3. Trying

**Hey guys! Here's the next chapter! Sorry for these chapter being so short, but they're constant, so I'm excused! Thanks for reading, review! P.S, this chapter is in Christina's point of view**

Trying

I smile slightly as I brush a tear of the side of my cheek. Tobias still has made no improvement with dealing with grief. I guess he finally found something that would bring him down.

But I know eventually he'll get up. Ever so slowly, he'll start to recognize people again and get over her. Hopefully. But maybe not.

I walk out of the room, glancing back at Tobias's sleeping body with fresh tears still wet on his face; his eyes closed in a peaceful slumber. But it will only last for ten more minutes before he opens his staring eyes again.

I can tell he doesn't recognize me anymore. He can't recognize anyone; he only knows how he felt about them. A few times, Caleb went in and just there, crying. For the first time since he laid down, Tobias got up. To punch him square in the face. Caleb just there, never flinching at the blow, he remained unmoving. By the time I could get in, Caleb had a broken rib, a broken arm, a broken leg, and bruises and cuts everywhere. I could tell by looking at him he thought he deserved it for letting Tris die, but he doesn't. It wasn't his fault she was pig-headed and kind enough to save him.

Everyone keeps going about how sorry they are Tris died, and that they can feel Tobias's pain, but no one truly can. Not even I can. After Will died, I was furious. I loved Will so much, and I know he loved me too. And to see his murder walking around me, acting guilty and ashamed killed me. The fact I couldn't kill her pained me most of all. I got over it, though. Now I'm grieving her death.

I try to pull myself together for Tobias's sake, to show him that I'm strong, that he can recover, but in all honesty, I wasn't in a much better state for the first week. I laid in bed and cried my eyes out and nobody cared but Matthew. Every once in a while, he would come in and put me to sleep, helping me to calm down and accept facts gently. He helped me recover from my best friend's death, helped me rejoin the world. I could never thank him enough. If only I could that with Tobias.

I feel another tremor shake over my body as I walk down the hallway. As Mathew taught me, I lean up against the wall and close my eyes. Images of Tris, with the bullet in her, flash in my mind, and I whimper. I feel my knees become weak, and I fall to the ground. Tears fall from eyes and I hear them hit the ground, clutching my face as the tears start to flow harder.

I hear footsteps echoing down the hall, but continue to sob, knowing that they will just ignore, just like they do with Tobias. But the footsteps speed up and rush to my side. A hand clamps around my shoulder, and I try to stifle a sob. I glance up to whoever decided to pay attention. Matthew. I choke back another sob and try to clean my face of the tears, but they continue to flow. Hiding so he won't see how weak I am, I turn to the wall and find myself wailing again. In my mind, I pray that Matthew will leave me be, let me cry, but he stays. He just slides down the wall next to me and looks around, waiting for me to stop.

At one point, I feel his hand at my shoulder again, so I turn to face him. My face is puffy and red; wet with tears. I know my hair is up and frizzled so much form the crying. I choke again as I try to appear stronger than I truly am. But I know Matthew sees right through me. With gentle fingers, he strokes my hair, and gently rubs my eyes as if I am the fragile thing in the world. And at the moment, I think I am. I can feel the tears start up again, and the urge to moan into another fit takes over, but I never get the chance. Taking me by surprise, Matthew leans forward and wraps his arms delicately around me, holding me close. His face goes into the side of neck, and my tears suddenly stop in confusion. I sit stiff as a bored as he hugs me for a few seconds. Just as he starts pulling away from my board-stiff body, I wrap my arms tightly around him and pull him closer.

He stays still for a milla-second before he leans in closer and pulls me to him, and I find myself crying into his chest. He pulls me closer as he feels the tears come steadier, and I wrap my hand sin his shirt, trying to take out some of the pain into his shirt. I feel as he precautiously puts his head on top of mine, and I start to sniffle, the tears finally receding.

But still as the tears stop, I don't want to move from his arms, and as he makes no move to push me out of them, we just sit there, arms around each other, both wet from tears. Ever so slowly, I feel Matthew pull back; I tighten my grip. But he just shakes his head and detangles himself from me. I feel my body slump as he leaves me. However he doesn't leave like I expected him to. Instead he bends down and grabs my hands, pulling me up to soon as I'm up, he smiles widely and starts to kid around.

"Knew you could get up," he weakly says in attempt to cheer me up. But my best friend is dead. There is no way.

He sees his humor falls flat on me, and his grin drops into a more serious face.

"Hey, it's ok," he murmurs gently as he strokes my hair again. I look down and shuffle closer, finding myself craving to be closer to him. I watch as his feet take a startled step back, but then come closer. I can feel as he draws me closer for another hug.

"It's fine," he says one last time with a sigh.


	4. Losing

**Hey guys This chapter is from Tobias's point of view. Thanks for reading! Review! **

Losing

Darkness surrounds me. My hands start to flail even though I tell them, not to. However, my eyes soon open and my hands freeze mid-air, like a kitten whose ball of yarn had been taken away. I roll unto my side and stare at the clock. I watch soundless as the numbers change ever so slowly. I don't know how long I stare at the clock; no matter how hard I stare I can't even read the time. Numbers, names, letters, people, thoughts, sanity-they're all slipping my grasp.

As I continue to stare, someone enter the room. Her short blond hair, thin delicate fingers, tight training clothes all cause a reaction in me. I can feel as the gears in my head start to come to life with joy, and I find myself sitting up and running tot eh girl. Tris.

I skim my hands over her arms, and lift her shirt to check for her wound. Nothing. She's healed. I smile and garb her waist, pulling her closer. Her smile widens and I feel her thin fingers slip into the belt loops I didn't realize I had he push pull each other closer until we're face to face, nose touching. WE just stand there, breathing in the scent of each other until I can't stand it anymore. I pull my hands behind her neck and lift her face to mine, Our lips touch ever so slightly before she's gone; nothing in my hands. I turn around to see her sitting on top of my bed, beckoning me with one finger. A wide foolish smile covers my face as I saunter over to her. Just when I'm about to reach her again, she disappears.

Again I look around to see her sitting elsewhere, but as soon as I reach her, she's gone.

"Tris?" I cry after the tenth time, my knees start to feel weak as I realize what's going on. I'm in another dream; my real Tris is still dead. I sob and sink to the floor, hands in my face as I wail and shriek with the tears running down my face. I see fake Tris peek her head out from behind the door. Her playful expression disappears as she sees me and she rushed to my side. My sobs start to slow down as she kneels next to me, running her hand comfortingly down my back. My cries soon turn to whimpers and I feel myself I find I'm shaking. She looks at me, eyes filled with lust, lovingness, pity. That one's knew. Pity. I reach up to her, and she embraces me warmly. I cry on her, even though I know it's not my Tris. But this is as close as I get.

Too soon, she pulls away and backs out of room, looking at me sadly as she does so. I reach out to her, and she reaches her arms out, but continues to back out. Before I can get up and run to her, my head starts to spin and black dots cover my view. I cry out as I fall back and lose sight of my precious Tris. She really is gone.

My eyes open, and I feel wetness on my cheeks. I was crying in my sleep. Again. Not that I could care.

My alarm clock stares at me, mocking me with the memory of Tris walking in. I glance to the door, over and over, waiting for her appear like in the dream. But as time goes on, the little sparkle of hope disappears and I feel tears start to slide down my cheek.

How could she leave me? After the mission was supposed to be our happy ever after. Why did she leave?

The memory of me telling her an Abbergian saying pops in my head. That saying. It got her killed. She killed herself to prove to prove to Caleb she loved him.

But didn't she think about me? About how much I love her? About the grief that has me crazy; unable to respond. And it's all my fault. I told her the saying that she thought of before she killed herself for Caleb.

Caleb. I remember someone! I take a deep intake and think of what I know about this Caleb. He was Tris's brother and…..

The thought is lost. What was I thinking about? Something about someone who wasn't Tris, that's all I know. So whoever it was doesn't matter.

I can only remember things from my past life if Tris was involved. Maybe that's why she's all I can think about. I have no else to think about. I have nothing to think about but all the times me and Tris kissing, laughing, talking, yelling, saving. All the peaceful times we should have shared together, laying arm in arm, standing side by side as we watch the happiness of our lives go by. But none of that can happen. She's gone.

Tris. Why did she have to go? My sides begin to hurt again and my tears begin to flow. Everyone loved her, I think. I don't even know. All I know is she's gone, never to return. That she left me, got herself killed and that I loved her. Still love her will never stop.

The tears start to come faster and harder, making my lungs hurt like hell. My breath starts to come out in gasps through the tears. I moan and roll onto my other side.

"Tris…." I call out in-between sobs, "Come b-back…" I whine into the air. Of course she won't come. Why even try? My whole body is aching form all the crying, but no one comes in to put me to sleep. I just continue to cry and sobs and dream until I found myself closing my lids. Thoughts of Tris are the last thing I think before my eyes close, sleep lurking behind them.


	5. There

**This chapter is kind of short again. Sorry, I just had to end it at the right time. This is from Christina's point of view again. Thanks for reading, Review! **

There

Later that day, I found myself stumbling into Matthew's room. For comfort. For company. For some unknown reason I walk into his room, without even knocking. He sits on his bed, scribbling furiously into a small leather-bound note book. As I walk in, he glances up; a small smile playing across lips once he sees it's me.

I attempt a weak smile, but can see I miserably failed by the look on his face. He holds out his arms and I find myself hurtling into them, wrapping my arms around his waist. He holds me close and rocks us back and forth, murmuring sweet nothings into my hairs, where he rests his cheek. I smile slightly at the closeness through the tears as he quietly comforts me.

Him just being there gives me comfort.

After an infinite amount of time, the tears stop and I pull away ever so slightly to look at the clock. It shines 11:15 brightly and I blush. How could I waste so much time?

Slowly, I pull away and stand up, dreading the loss of the feeling of him against me.

"I'm sorry I wasted your whole night," I sigh, not daring the look into his eyes, "It's just you're the only one I feel comfortable around. Tobias is…well you know. The other people here just don't accept how close me and Tris were, and every time I look at Caleb, I see the man who should have died instead of my beloved friend." I finish quietly with tears running down my face. I feel a gentle hand tugging at my chin. I look up, my tears still coating my face. Matthew looks down at me, understanding swelling in his eyes. He just looks at me for a few seconds before pulling me into another hug.

"it's ok, I'm always here for you," he says. I smile a little before he pulls away.

"I-it-it's late, I guess I should be going," I say sadly before turning toward the door.

Matthew's soft hand tugs at my shoulder, tugging me to face him.

'It's fine, it's late. You can stay with me tonight," he confidently said, leading me to his bed.

"A-are you sure? I mean, I can sleep on the floor," I persisted half-heartedly. He shook his head as he pulled his shirt and pants off. I just stood there awkwardly gawking at his chest. He caught me looking and smiled at me. I looked to the side with a big blush covering my face. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw him pull open the cover and slide in, holding the remote control for the light.

"It's fine, you can sleep in whatever you want. If you want I can turn off the lights," Matthew chirped up from the bed. I bit my lip and nodded. Almost immediately the lights began to dim, than shut off completely. I reached the hem of my shirt and pulled it off, leaving me in my plain white bra. AS a second thought, since I was wearing jeans, I slipped off my pants and quickly climbed into bed.

Luckily, or unluckily, the bed was pretty big, giving us some room.

"Good night, Christina," I heard Matthew say as I slipped under the covers of sleep.

"'Night," I answered.


	6. Leaving

**Hey guys! This is from Tobias's point of view. I'm sorry, it had to be done. I'll probably post one or two more chapter tomorrow of the day after. Thanks for reading, review. **

Leaving

A bright light shined in my eyes, and I covered my face with my fore-arm. I heard the soft gentle giggle of my beloved girl form beyond my arms.

"Tris?" I call out in wonder as I lower my arms. Whoa.

All around me is a soft, white field with white flowers swaying gently in the wind. A bright yellow sun brightly shined, trees scattered the field, small birds chirped in the sky. But that wasn't what I loved.

Tris stood before me in a flowwy white dress, her hair down with one of the flowers in it.

"It's me," she said happily, nervously looking down. I ran over to her and held her close. I felt her tiny body relax into me and I knew nothing was wrong. Gently, yet frantically, I tugged her chin up and covered her mouth with mine. She groaned and brought her arms around my neck as I snaked mine around her waist. I felt her deepen the kiss.

"Tris," I moaned as I ran one hand over her leg. She knew what I was asking and jumped up, wrapping her legs around my waist. I supported her and kissed her harder with a bruising force and swiped the bottom of her lip, asking for permission. Her mouth opened and let my tongue explore her mouth.

Suddenly, I was aware of her pulling back, her legs reaching down for the ground. At first, I selfishly tried to keep kissing her, but after a moment I reluctantly let her down, parting my lips from her's. Immediately I missed her.

She was panting heavily and looking down, her face still red. I reached forward to touch her shoulder and she flinched. I hurtfully retracted, wondering what I did wrong. Abruptly, she faces me, her eyes filled of sorrow.

"I'm so sorry, Tobias," she says softly, tears brimming her eyes. I take a step forward and cautiously touch her shoulder again. She doesn't flinch.

"For what?" I ask, somehow so confused. Her piercing eyes look at me.

"For dying! For practically killing myself!" she yells suddenly before shoving her face in her hands and sobbing. My shoulders drop and I can suddenly feel understanding.

"Oh, Tris," I hear myself say as I pull her into a hug, "I didn't want you to go, but if you did what you saw was right, I will always forgive you." She sobs into my shirt and I lay my check on her head. After a few minutes, I pull away.

"Wait Tris, am I dead? How can I see you?" I ask confused, yet hoping that I am indeed dead. Tris shakes her head and whispers.

"I couldn't wait until you died to know if you forgave me. I had to pull into my home while you were sleeping. This is where I live. I will wait for you, Tobias. Once you die, we'll be together again. But until than….I'm sorry," she explains, guilty tears still threatening to fall. I hold her close and shut my eyes.

"When will I wake up?" I choke out, not wanting this dream to end.

"Any minute," she answers, almost choking on her tears. I feel her become less and less real in my arms.

"No!" she calls out, trying to grab my disappearing body in vain. I just let it happen, and eerie calm taken over me.

"I'll be back soon," I say gently before I'm all gone.

"Tobias!" she says, almost scolding me, "Don't kill your-"The rest is lost as I find myself back in my room.

With a knowing desperation, I reach over to the bag that hold the sleeping medicine in it. I snatch at it in vain for a few minutes before grabbing it and ripping a hole in it. Greedily, I gulp down the dozen servings.

Slowly, the room starts to spin and black blotches cover my vision. I smile happily as I realize where I'm going. Back to Tris.

I shut my eyes for the last time.


End file.
